xhosabutterfly

In the world we live in, we live with ideas about ourselves, and ideas that others create for us. Sometimes, of course, there is a confluence between the two. But what I’m thinking on right now is, who created what and decided women should live with it?

A few weeks ago, my family and I were talking about being a woman in South Africa, More specifically we were talking about the ideas some men have of women. Ideas like however independent we may be before marriage, the man is definitely the head of the house (and no goddamned arguments about that, thank you very much!). That wifey will have dinner ready and waiting when husband comes home. And when husband wants it, wifey will spread for husband. Of course these are universal male expectations.

But then there are those other ideas males seem to hold dear to their hearts. For instance, males are entitled and deserve every female’s attention. No matter who that male is or how they approach you. I remember one occasion when I was walking around the neighborhood in Uitenhage. We were on home leave from D.C at that particular time so I was feeling somewhat nervous and excited at being back in what was rapidly becoming a ‘foreign’ environment even though I was born there. At any rate, during my walk, I hear this guy hollering from across the field.

‘Hey, you! Come over here! I want to talk to you!’

Now, nobody talks to me that way. Hell no. So I ignore him, of course. He yells louder. Of course, he’s attracting attention from those who were in the vicinity. After hollering a few more times he yells

‘Well fuck you, you’re not pretty anyway.”  To which those in hearing distance laugh of course.

I may have been much younger at the time, but the complete lack of respect really ticked me off.  Not only that, but had that guy been any closer to me, say within arms length, he may have grabbed me to get hold of my attention, as well as become physically aggressive.

Another belief is that, yes indeed, the female body exists solely for the pleasure of the male gaze, and if at all possible, the male touch. More crudely, the female body belongs to men. If the statistics on rape and sexual abuse against women are anything to go by, this is one of the biggest problems faced by women in this country. Now, others may say put forward other factors that influence the high levels of rape in this country, but I think one of the biggest reasons is that there are still many out there who objectify women and see them as playthings. This gives them the right to violate women. Misogyny is a multi-faceted thing after all.

Yes, women (and men as well) want their physical beauty to be appreciated, but there is a point where the ‘appreciation’ becomes violation. When someone is staring at your breasts and you can see that they’ve completely undressed you in their mind, then that is violation. But so many either do not know the difference or they choose to ignore it altogether.

Never mind that special brand of male who believes that girl-children are fair game because ‘they’ll have sex sooner or than later, so what difference does it make?’ But I won’t go there right now.

I could go on forever, really. But when does it get to be enough? When do we get to the point that we say no, not anymore.  You will not do that to me. 

I started this off with a lot of piss and vinegar, but i seem to have lost it all.